Holy Spirit, I welcome you here to this page. To this time in my life, to every breath that I breathe. To every fiber of my being. I am nothing without your constant guidance and direction. I praise you, Jesus, for returning to heaven so that I could have the Helper live within me. So that I could have a small piece of heaven within me–joined to my very own spirit–so that I can operate in everything you did on this Earth. Thank you for teaching me consistently how to grow in the things of You. How to speak and see things come to pass at my own voice, because of my own faith. How to operate in the gifts, but mostly I just praise you for giving me life. I pray that every person reading this blog is blessed, that favor is on their life, and that you are moving in their lives to advance your kingdom within them. Thank you for teaching us, Father, and for loving us more than we will probably ever comprehend.
Wow. It’s been months since I’ve visited this blog. So much has happened, and so much has changed. I’d signed off for a few months as J.T. and I faced a move over the summer that was draining, but so rewarding. We’re finally settled in to our precious new build (a whole side story that could take an entire post attesting to God’s goodness and favor on our lives), and are absolutely loving the more country, suburban life. But, it’s time to get back into the habit of writing weekly. This season has been one with new challenges, new fears, new fights, new faith, and new beginnings. It’s been hard, stressful, rewarding, and reassuring all at the same time. That’s life though, right? There’s always both easy and hard happening at once in our lives. The older I become, the more I realize that simplicity is a fleeting memory of my life, mostly steeped in childhood where I didn’t face the adult-ing challenges of today. Regardless, here I am, a walking testimony of God’s faithfulness even in the moments where I wish I could still live in those simpler times.
I don’t know about you, but I feel like time is speeding up. Like there’s a shift that’s happened in the last couple of years causing me to feel like we’re heading faster towards the end of this earth. Speeding towards Christ’s return. It’s not all doom and gloom–in fact, two dear, dear friends that I love and had been praying would return to the Father came back into His loving arms, and back into my life this year. After seasons of change had pulled us apart, they easily moved back into my life and recounted their stories of how the Father had pursued them in these last couple of years, and especially in recent months. I was humbled immediately at the goodness of God, especially as one friend in particular led a completely opposite lifestyle than the one she’s currently in, and that shift was so radical that even I doubted it’s authenticity. Until she was sitting in my house, on my couch, speaking about God moving in her life, the Holy Spirit active within her, her desire for the gifts of the Spirit that she’d rejected in the past, and her hunger for every bit of God that she could possibly have. Prayers that I’d prayed for 11 years. ELEVEN YEARS. Were answered in a moment on my couch in my precious new home. If God’s not faithful, no one is.
I’ve been faced with new challenges this year in my job, in my marriage, in my parenting, and in my faith. I’ve stared down a pending internal office situation that left me uncomfortable, as God shone a light on a scenario I was unaware of–prompting me to pray and intercede on teammate’s behalves. And as I frantically wondered if I should intervene on what He had revealed to me, the steady voices of spiritual mentors in my life cautioned me to press into the Holy Spirit on direction on what to do with what I’d been given, and, so, He told me not to speak, only to pray. I fought that word, tooth and nail. If you know me personally, you know I love to talk. I love to speak of the Lord’s goodness and faithfulness, I love to hear what’s going on in other’s lives, and share my own with hopes it encourages another. And I’m also justice motivated. So to see a situation unfolding with damning ramifications that could unravel our culture then to be told to “be still…pray”, was agonizing. And yet, the still small voice was telling me in the same breath, “I’ll take care of it”. And he did, removing part of the problem organically, and without any issue. Why are we always surprised when He comes through?
I typed that last sentence and instantly was hit with the impression of the Holy Spirit, “Why are you still surprised that I’ll come through in your current situation?” Instant humbling, the Holy Spirit has that effect on my constantly. J.T. and I faced a heartbreak this past week that was deeply felt, even though to the outside eye, it was nothing to shed tears over. But have you ever been told by God to do something, only to have the door slammed in your face when you were about to walk through it? You begin to wonder if you missed the word, missed the direction he was leading. And even though you didn’t, the doubt creeps in, causing you to question more and more things that maybe you heard wrong. And suddenly, you’re spiraling out of control, doubting your faith, your purpose, your direction, and unsure of which way to go next. I was on the precipice of that, and the Holy Spirit (like He has so many times over the last year) gently tugged me back. Reminding me along the way of all the times He’d taken beauty from ashes in my life, trading my mourning for joy, turning my tears into praise.
“Who will you put your faith in? Me, or the world?” He asked me through the last few days. When we wondered if J.T. would still have his job, his future looking bleaker by the second as the door closed. “Where will you place your faith, Abbey?” In you, Father. It’s all I can say, even when my heart doesn’t necessarily believe it, I KNOW it to be true. I’ll always put my faith in Him. Here’s the thing about situations that feel so much worse to us than they really are. When we’ve stepped out in faith, and something didn’t go right. We must choose to recognize when God closes a door, when we have inadvertently closed it, and when the devil has closed it. God is not the author of chaos, destruction, or devastation in our lives. He is the author of abundance, of grace, and of peace in our lives. So, when our emotions are raging after we feel we did the right thing, and it came out wrong, we know that was not God. It probably wasn’t even the devil, it was probably us. We misstepped somewhere along the way, and the pain of the loss negates our ability to understand a simple concept in the moment: God will turn everything around for our good. It may take a bit of time, but He’ll reveal the greater blessing, the greater purpose or meaning, the revelation of the situation in the future. He’s done that for me every time.
What are you going through in this season of your life right now? Is there a pruning of areas of your life, a refining so to speak that has been painful? What doors have been closed that looked like they were where you were supposed to go? How did you respond? What areas of your life need to be pruned that you’ve not yet yielded to the Father? Be willing to put in the time and effort intentionally to search for the deeper revelation the Father has for you. Sometimes He responds with His own question:
“Where will you put your faith?”
Spirit Filled Mama 